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July 29, 2012 / The Ghost

The Dark Knight Rises

It has been four years since The Dark Knight and Chrissieboy Nolan has finally decided to end his trilogy. Finally. Thank God.



I was hoping that he would at least put some effort into it and make one decent superhero movie. But no. Nolan continues to make movies which make no sense at all, filled with pointless details. First of all, could somebody explain to me why Bruce Wayne is walking with a cane during the first half of the movie? What, did he suddenly age tremendously and turn into an old man?? Alfred is faster than him, for Christ’s sake! But when he puts on his suit, it’s like he’s faster than ever. I don’t understand. So many plotholes.

Bane pops up out of nowhere and just starts attacking Gotham. I think he is pissed at Nolan for making Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, which I totally support. Kill them bastards in the stadium.

And then: Catwoman. I like Anne Hathaway, but why is she wearing an outfit like Batman? What’s the point? We recognize her! We know it’s Selina Kyle! Why bother putting on a Halloween costume if everyone knows who you are anyway?? I would prefer her without her suit, or any clothes at all. A naked Catwoman, that is one movie I would pay to see.

Then there’s Scarecrow. Why is he not wearing his mask in court? All he is wearing is a bunch of feathers, he looks like a dead bird! What?? Did he turn into Featherman while he was gone?! Ri-di-cu-lous!

And just when I thought the movie would redeem itself when Batman explodes (the best thing to happen in three hours of Nolan’s mess), this happens: The. Police Officer. Turns. Into. Robin. I puked when that happened. And that just sums it up. The Dark Knight Rises is one steaming pile of Puke! Puke with a capital P!

I did like the special sound effects from the Denver show, very realistic.

Note to self: create naked superheroine movie.

The Dark Knight Rises on IMDB: 2/10.


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