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December 27, 2012 / The Ghost

The Hobbit: An unexpected journey

What is this dwarfy shit movie? Wasn’ t Snowwhite enough for some people?

 

 

This unexpected journey is however very expected. It’ s so expected that it’ s already been done before. By the same cast, by the same crew, on the same shity island (Yes, New Zealand, that means you). 11 years ago, the year 13 AM (After Martens), the first Lord of the Rings movie came out: “The Fellowship of the Ring“.

The movie started in the shire, where Bilbo Bagpipe lives. Before you know it Frodo (I think Frodo is Bilbo’ s bitch) ends up running around Middle earth. From the Shire he goes to Rivendell, through some mountain pass which he fails to cross. Next he tries to go through the mountain and decides to stop for a fight with some old friends. Then he exits the cave, there’ s some more fighting, some dieing and blabla. At the end they are still on their way to Mountain Doom. No need to watch “The Hobbit”, because it’s exactly the same story. Just replace all creatures by dwarves and elves. Done.

My advice, and I advise you to take it, being the best reviewer around:
take this movie to the next level. Put laser weapons and spaceships in it. Dwarves fighting in space, that’ s something people want to see! Oh: Boobs also help, D-cups preferable.

The Hobbit: An unexpected journey on IMDB: 0/10. Worst movie of the year.

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