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July 29, 2014 / The Ghost

Boyhood

Since 2002 director Richard Linklater followed actor Ellar Coltrane to see him grow up. The first two letters of the title are right: BOring.

 

 

First of all. Rip off. It’s so obvious. This movie is “The curious case of Benjamin Button” in reverse and starting a bit later.
That movie already sunk right to the bottom like the Titanic after 10 minutes. This one didn’t even float. I mean, if I would have worn a camera since 2002 and filmed everything I’ve been through ever since it wouldn’t have been as boring as this piece of shit. To show you what I mean, I will compare my life to Masons.

It all starts when Mason is 10 years old. His father left his mother and lives with some guy at a tiny appartment. My life is better. My father left, but he has a castle with a fountain. Win.
Age 12, Mason still hasn’t been laid. I’ve had about 9 girls and even had my first gay experience by that age. I prefered the gay experience above the girls by the way, Mason likes girls better.
Mason 0, me 3. His mother has married 2 drunk bastards by the time he’s turned 15. I didn’t need all that to spice up my life. I make my own spice. I dated a 40-year old, “enjoyed” myself whilst sitting in front of my laptop instead of just looking at it, I failed at school multiple times and got caught calling to 0900-numbers.

Dear mr Linklater, it’s a bit late to film my youth. But if you’re interested, I’m available for the next 12 years. I can guarantee you lots of fun stuff will happen. I’ll get my girlfriend pregnant and dump her for a 60 year old guy, I’ll jump into my fathers brand new fountain and I’ll drink my brothers piss. Just kidding of course, I would never let you film all that cool stuff. Only Jamesie is perfect enough to shoot a movie about my life.

Boyhood on IMDB: -12/10. As the boy gets older, the movie gets worse.

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