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August 3, 2014 / The Ghost

Firefly

What a journey it has been. I’ve travelled across the world, attended press meetings and movie premieres, and I’ve finally written my 100th article on my fantastic blog.

Okay, everything except that last bit was a lie. But still, what a journey. Wow. And to commemorate this glorious occasion, I am finally taking a look at Firefly.

 

 

It is a tv show and it revolves around spaceships and planets. Because fuck yeah, let’s be creative and do some more sci-fi shit.

A crew of thieves and whores sit around in something called Serenity and fly around, steal from people, laugh their asses off and shoot their guns like crazy people. That’s it. Although, I should correct myself: there is one mercenary, one rebel captain, one ex-soldier, one pilot, one doctor, one priest, one mechanic, one mentally unstable bitch and one whore on board. It’s like having my family look in a frigging mirror.

First of all: you know how much I despise bad titles. And this so-called Firefly is nowhere to be found. At all. I don’t know if the whore was hiding the firefly in her panties or if the priest kept it in his Bible, but there are no fireflies in Firefly. Go figure.

They made only one season and one sequel film. Probably because Joss Whedon finally realized he could do so much better and finally created the holy relic that is The Avengers. Which is still the best movie ever made. Right after Jamesie’s Avatar, evidently. The sequel, named Serenity, pretty much tries to tie up all the loose ends they left behind in the tv show. Except one. That frigging firefly is still missing in every single shot of that snoozefest.

I’ll tell you what the true story is behind Firefly. Morena Baccarin plays both Inara Serra, the whore in this show, and Brody’s wife in Homeland. I forgot her first name. Whatever. She’s hot. Anyway, she’s a whore in the distant future. She travels back through time at 88 miles per hour and marries Nicholas Brody, only to fuck around with his best friend when he goes missing.

I think I made my point.

 

Alternate titles

  • The Mercenary, The Rebel Captain, The Ex-Soldier, The Pilot, The Doctor, The Priest, The Mechanic, The Mentally Unstable Bitch and The Whore.
  • The Homeland Prelude
  • Sci-fi Plot No. 97158
  • The Firefly Is Missing
  • Joss Whedon Does Crack
  • I’m Brody’s Wife And I’m Hot

 

Firefly on IMDB: 7/10. One point for every crew member that survived the end of Serenity.

Just kidding. 1/10.

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