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August 7, 2014 / The Ghost

The Grand Budapest Hotel

I stayed in a hotel once. It wasn’t in Budapest. And it wasn’t grand. So I evidently knew that this movie was going to suck big ass.

 

 

It’s about a man and another man. And the man steals a painting with that man. And they run off, chased by many other men. That”s pretty much all you need to know. There’s not much “hotel” going on. I never got to see how they make their own mayonnaise, for instance.

More importantly: Wes Anderson suddenly forgot how to make a movie. He started filming everything in different aspect ratios: first 2.35:1, then he switched to 1.85, then he filmed almost everything in 1.33, only to switch back to 2.35:1 in the end. So confusing. There’s only one reason for this: Wes Anderson is blind. My god, man. What are you doing in the movie industry? It’s like putting a deaf guy in charge of a radio station. And it isn’t the first time we’ve seen this happen.

I do have to give credit where it’s due: an actor finally said the words I’ve been waiting for, ever since I was old enough to play with myself: “I go to bed with all my friends.”

Ralph: I want to be your friend!

 

The Grand Budapest Hotel on IMDB: 0/10.

Ralph Fiennes on IMDB: 10/10.

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