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October 27, 2015 / The Ghost

Spectre

SPECTRE is supposed to stand for Special Executive for Counter-intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion. What it actually stands for is Spoiled Pathetic and Embarrassing Craig Tried to Release Evil (with playing Bond YET AGAIN in this franchise).

 

 

The film starts in Mexico City. Bond was send to the country of nachos by the old M (Judi Dench). I like nachos when I watch movies. It makes the most awful movies good. They are available with cheese or other stuff on it. Best served hot they sure are my favorite meal (together with all fried stuff).

My favorite recipe is when you put tortilla chips on to a baking tray, pour salsa and a few sliced onions over it. Get some cheese and add a pinch of crushed chilli. Next get it under the grill for about 3 minutes to melt the cheese. Do NOT add vegetables. They are not good for you.

 

Unfortunately we have to get back to the “movie”-review. As I was sitting there enjoying my nachos, my review- colleagues were all enjoying the opening scene. A five minute tracking shot following Bond going through a street parade. I think some of them even used the words “Impressed”. Me as well. I was impressed by the quality of the nachos and the sharp contrast with such a bad movie. Of course, I immediately understood what was going on. This low cost movie was on such a tight budget that they had only one camera to work with. They served the best nachos ever with it to cover all that shit up.

 

That same tight budget is also why they couldn’t hire more Bond girls and whey they always wear so little clothes. Monica Belucci, Léa Seydoux and Christoph Waltz couldn’t get me aroused. Although Waltz’ bad character had something very erotic. I don’t understand why he didn’t wear a mankini. It could have saved them a lot of money on tuxedos.

 

Spectre on IMDB. 00/10. Double zero, a license to fail.

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