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October 28, 2015 / The Ghost

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Oeeh oeh aaaaah! Translated: My arse itches, but this movie is FANTASTIC!



There has been a lot of fuzz around this movie. It gets under your skin like no other movie has ever before. Will Rodman, played by James Franco, breeds himself a smart monkey to do erotic things with on his attic. He names the ape Caesar. Fantastic thinking of the scenarists, because later in the movie monkey Caesar will rule over the Monkey Empire in Muir Woods like Julius Gaius Caesar did over the Roman Empire.

Monkey Caesar sees through the sexual frustrations Will has. He always walks around the house with his trousers on just so his human boss wouldn’t get aroused. When Will takes Caesar to a female animal doctor, Caesar sees his chance. He succeeds in arranging a date between the two. Not much later they form a couple and Will doesn’t see the need for a monkey anymore. His sexual needs are now fulfilled by his new girlfriend Carolina.


As Caesar is no longer needed, Will takes him to a shelter. “Muah oh oh aaaah oh uh ah” Caesar says when Will drops him off. Will misunderstands the monkey language completely and thinks Caesar says he’s going to miss him. He actually said “Tu quoque fili mi?”. Caesar gets mad. Very mad.

When he finally breaks out of the cage together with all other monkeys, they cross the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. Just like Julius Gaius Caesar crossed the Rubicon in Italy. “The dice have been thrown” Caesar yells in monkey language. But Will doesn’t understand this. He thinks Caesar wants to come home with him. Will would like this, because his father just died and he now has an extra bed.


Unfortunately for Will little Caesar doesn’t care much for beds. He says goodbye to his dumb human friend and marches into Muir Woods. Making the symbolism of this movie complete. Just like Julius Caesar marched into Rome, monkey Caesar took his monkey legion to the trees.

I admit. I cried during this movie. It was breathtaking how the apes worked together to follow Caesar.


Rise of the Planet of the Apes on IMDB. 198/10. Exactly my IQ points. What a coincidence!


P.S.: There is no need to make a sequel. We all know Caesar will be killed by his own kind in the monkey senate. Maybe the scenarist can come up with a prequel. When Caesar conquered Gaul, he went through a lot of shit. We can get monkey Caesar to conquer Sequoia National Park or Yosemite. Awesome.


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