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August 30, 2016 / The Ghost

Dunkirk

Laugh. We’ re going to the beach!

 

 

There’s a new “movie” from director Christopher Nolan upon us. Dunkirk will tell us the story of a group of friends visiting the beach of Dunkirk.

The guy laughing in the Dunkirk trailer was the start of a heated discussion. The moment bombers fly over the landing vessel everyone looks terrified, except for one guy in the lower right corner who starts laughing a bit.
I completely understand why there’s such controversy about this actor. Just watch this Apple-commercial and you’ll understand. That actor is the only one who truly understands what’s going on. They are making a trip to the beach and get to see planes from upon close. The other ones had probably never seen a plane before and got terrified as they thought they were giant flying dinosaurs.

I’m so much looking forward to this comedy drama!

 

Dunkirk on IMDB: 1/10*. Only one laugh.

* This score is a prediction based on the trailer and will almost certainly be the correct score for this movie because I’m the best reviewer around and Christopher always disappoints.

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August 29, 2016 / The Ghost

Kon-Tiki

Such a dramatic movie. Hats off.

 

 

This must have been the greatest drama I have ever seen. The movie has no decent actors, no scenario, filmed on just a raft, no twists, no nothing. It’s just dramatic to watch.

 

Kon-Tiki on IMDB: 10/10. The greatest drama ever.

August 29, 2016 / The Ghost

Race

A movie about running. Seriously? Averyone can run.

 

 

Why would they make a movie about Jesse Owens, when Hitler and Goebbels are in it? Make the movie about them! I don’t understand.

This Jesse-guy has so many more interesting things going on in his life. But he chooses to run. What a loser. He could have had sex with tons of women in stead of training for something you don’t even have to train for. LOL. What a wanker.

 

Race on IMDB: 0/10. Disqualified.

August 29, 2016 / The Ghost

The Rock

Finally, a movie about rock ‘n roll. ROCK ON!

 

 

Sad enough, it was about an island with a prison and a crazy general on it.

Sean Connery, please retire. Go to Scotland, drink some whiskey, make love to your wife (if you’re still able to) and never EVER act again. Plz. Thx. Ok. Bye.

 

The Rock on IMDB: 1/10. One for each rock.

August 29, 2016 / The Ghost

Diana

Spoiler alert: she dies in the end!

 

 

And that’s all about there’s about to say about this movie.

 

Diana on IMDB: 10/10. Superb end. No sequels possible ­čÖé

June 1, 2016 / The Ghost

La piel que habito

Anyone saw Frankenstein? It’s 100% the same movie in color.

 

 

I bet you didn’t even noticed the above trailer was from Frankenstein. “Le piel que habito” (freely translated: “The skin who lives”), tells the story of a monster created by a horrible doctor. They changed the name to dr. Ledgard, but clever people know this is an enigma. I’ll walk you through it:

 

The Frankenstein-part:

  1. Franken have become Euros since 2001. This makes “Eurosstein”
  2. The SS no longer exist, so that makes “Eurotein”
  3. “Tein” means “Ten” in Hindi. We now have “Euroten”
  4. Ten euro. 10 is “hamar” in Basque. “Euro” stays the same: Eurohamar
  5. Rohamar is a popular Indian name. The EU doesn’t exist in India. Scratch that: Rohamar
  6. The Hamar are an Omotic community in Ethiopia. “Romotic”
  7. “Romotic” is only one letter away from “Robotic”

 

The Ledgard-part:

  1. From the other side, “Ledgard” has “Gard” in it: a French department with N├«mes as its capital. Lednimes
  2. Nimes was a great city in the Roman empire. This makes Ledroman of course
  3. A “roman” is also a type of book. We now have Ledbook
  4. A LED is a piece of electronic used in robotica. We now have roboticabook.
  5. No one reads “a book” anymore. This makes “Robotic”

Et voil├á: Frankenstein = Ledgard. Something like this can’t pass my trained eye.

 

Also not coïncidental:

  • All vowels – except the “i” – are in both names: E and A
  • The “r” is represented in both names
  • Ledgard has 7 letters, Frankenstein 12. 12 and 7 make 19. Which is very close to the perfect score in Blackjack.
  • “f” is the sixth letter in the alphabet, “l” is the 14th. Coincidence? I think not.

 

Superb Antonio Banderas

Whenever I go see an Antonio Banderas movie, I make sure my trousers are a little bit loose. This man has sexappeal like no other. Jamesie, if you read this (I’m sure you will), please add Antonio to your crew for Avatar 2 and make him have sex with his ponytail.

 

 

La piel que habito on IMDB: 10/10. For Antonio.

April 12, 2016 / The Ghost

Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials

Why hasn’t this movie got a trial? I’d give it a life long sentence.

 

 

This movie picks in right where the last one left us. Thomas and his best friends go on a camping trip to a WCKD station. They love it. Food, water, beds, drugs inserted into their veins by special “doctors”. Everything teenagers desire. The only one who doesn’t amuse himself is Thomas. He is so bored that he hypnotizes his friends and escapes the building with them.
It’s brilliant how the makers found a way to get parallels with real life in this movie. Just like in real life Thomas and his back street gang hang out and don’t do much to help the world go round.

When WCKD finds out that Thomas wants to go to the Mountain Maffia, they try everything to stop him. They almost fail. Luckaly there’s Theresa. The only good thing in this movie. She almost succeeds in killing Thomas. Unfortunately she gets away with a lot of other WCKD-dudes and girls.

Weird thing: I didn’t see any trail. I hate it when Hollywood spoils the plot of the movie in a title. But now they start spoiling the plot in the title and it isn’t even correct. There’s not even a Maze in this movie. Why not rename “Lost” to “Found”? Right Hollywood? Right?*

 

Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials on IMDB: 0/10. The points got lost in my maze.

 

* This was a rhetorical question. I’m always right.